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Choosing6 min readChecked 2026-09-14

A note for parents: how to help without taking over

Admissions offices can tell within a paragraph whose application they are reading. The help that works is logistical; the help that backfires is editorial.

Photo: Fons Heijnsbroek · CC0 · Source

Parents have money, judgement, patience and a working knowledge of deadlines, which is exactly what a seventeen-year-old lacks. What they do not have is the voice the application needs, and substituting it is the most common way a strong candidate ends up sounding like a brochure.

Help that actually helps

  • Own the money conversation early and honestly. A number said out loud in September prevents a painful conversation in April.
  • Keep the calendar. Deadlines, test registrations, financial aid forms, visa appointments — all of it is administration, and none of it needs to be the student's job.
  • Ask questions instead of giving verdicts. "What did you think of the first-year modules?" gets further than "that one is ranked higher".
  • Read drafts for clarity, not for style. Point at sentences you did not understand; do not rewrite them.

Help that backfires

  • Writing or heavily editing the essay. Interviewers ask about it, and an eighteen-year-old cannot defend an adult's prose.
  • Contacting admissions offices on the student's behalf. It is noted, and not favourably.
  • Adding universities to the list because of their reputation among your friends. Every extra name costs essays that the real choices need.
  • Treating a rejection as a verdict on the child. Selective courses reject the majority of qualified applicants; it is arithmetic, not judgement.

What to remember

  • State the budget honestly and early.
  • Take over the calendar, not the writing.
  • Ask questions rather than delivering verdicts on universities.
  • Rejections from selective courses are arithmetic, not a judgement on your child.

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